Pride

I know, I know, my cynicism on this is going to be somewhat overwhelming for some of you, but just hear me out...

I don't understand hate for the sake of hate....hating someone for their race, sexual orientation, etc, it's all just bullshit to me, but I know that it's there, I just can't wrap my head around it.  So when the question of "Why didn't you change your FB profile pic to "Celebrate Pride", it really made me start to think about why it wasn't an automatic reaction for me...I support gay marriage, a large number of the people within my immediate group of loved ones are gay, of course I support their right to marry, duh....but it's deeper than that.

Sometimes I wish I was that person that can revel in small wins, that could be happy for even just a moment when we get something that has been fought for, but shouldn't have to be.....I'm just not that person... I find it hard to celebrate when although it's legal for same sex couples to marry across the US, it is also still legal in a large number of states (the majority, actually) to discriminate against these same people for their sexual orientation or gender identity.  Huh?  "What was that again?", you say.  Click the link, check out the map, it's appalling and disgusting and quite frankly, brings me to tears. We made it legal for same sex couples to marry before they get basic rights as individual human beings in most states.  I can't be the only one outraged by this.  I'm not criticizing the decision, I do support it, but why stop there?  It can't stop there.

I personally find it hard to celebrate this victory as if it's the be all, end all....it's just the beginning, folks....So, when asked why I didn't "Pride" my Facebook profile page, the conclusion I came to is that the fight is not over.  Now I understand, it's a small gesture to show support, but those around me already know they have my support.  I'll show my support by loving people for who they are (unless they're assholes, I don't care what gender, sexual orientation, or race you are, if you're an asshole, you're an asshole, and I won't waste my time), by fighting for and helping as many people as I can.  I find it hard to join in on the corporate mandated "support" by not really doing anything but changing a filter...Now I do understand how big this victory is, I don't want to diminish that, but at the same time, we need to remember that like when Segregation ended, racism did not.  It's showing a change in the tides, which is good, but I'm always cautious not to take my eye off the prize and celebrate prematurely.  That's when you get knocked down.

I'm thrilled for all of you that can celebrate this, but after all the hate that's been in the headlines the past few months, I hardly think this one gesture evens the score, but it certainly is a good start...I look forward to seeing where we can go with this.

Just my two cents.....

~Lily White 

I Blame Rose McGowan

 

Since she's already in the line of fire due to recent events, I think I'll blame Rose McGowan, too....after all, don't we all need a scapegoat? <insert sarcastic eye roll here>

McGowan as Courtney in Jawbreaker

I say this because I've been absolutely in love with Rose McGowan for, dare I say, about 20 years now.  Yes, I was a big fan of Doom Generation....of course I loved her in Charmed....even once allowing myself to be bribed by a friend with Charmed DVDs.....back before Netflix binging was a thing, I was OD'ing on Charmed DVDs, true story.  But these are far from the only reasons I love her...I love her sass, I love her determination, I love what a strong woman she is, and I really love all the charity work she does, including work with Boston Terriers, see full listing of her charity work here.
 

McGowan & one of her Boston Terriers

I like to fancy myself a pretty open minded feminist, my version of feminism being that it's not my job as a feminist to tell you how to be a woman, but to support other women on their journey to figuring it out for themselves.  I don't believe in slut shaming (damn, I even hate the word used to describe it, it's so gross), I don't believe that if a woman is more masculine that it makes her any less of a woman any more than I believe getting all dolled up for a photo shoot makes someone else any more of a woman.  If I choose to wear make up today, but jeans and a t shirt tomorrow, none of that changes that I identify as a woman....neither makes me better or worse for it.

So, when I started noticing more and more things that began to bother me (in the form of casual sexism), I decided to blame Rose McGowan.  Since it's been just days after McGowan tweeted:

McGowan as Cherry Darling in Planet Terror

"casting note that came w/script I got today. For real. name of male star rhymes with Madam Panhandler hahahaha I die,"
The note: "-Please make sure to read the attached script before coming in so you understand the context of the scenes. -Wardrobe Note: Black (or dark) form fitting tank that shows off cleavage (push up bras encouraged). And form-fitting leggings or jeans. Nothing white."

I am now seeing it everywhere.  So when I saw the following meme on my Facebook newsfeed, it was the last straw...harmless, yes, however......

Let's just break this down for a second....

 "Here's to the girls" (not women, girls) "who grew up" (so clearly they should now be called women) "playing in dirt who ran outside barefoot" (ok, I'm with you on this, now) "and weren't afraid to be one of the boys!"  (1. I'm not afraid to be one of the boys, I'm simply not a "boy".  2. Why does "playing in dirt" and "running outside barefoot" make you any less of a "girl" and turn you into "one of the boys", 3. Why is it implied that it's better to "be one of the boys" or that you'll get praise for being "one of the boys"?

I am a woman, not a girl or a boy, thank you....whether I play in the dirt or am all dolled up, I am still a WOMAN because I identify as a woman....fuck your gender roles.

If we don't change our views and language amongst each other and to ourselves, how can we expect it to change for society as a whole?  With all of the shaming we do to each other, are we surprised when it happens in society?  We get mad when they do things to pat us on the head, "you're just a silly little girl", but aren't we doing it to ourselves when we treat each other with such judgement?             

McGowan as Amy Blue in Doom Generation

 So, I blame Rose McGowan, I blame her for shedding more light on something that we start to forget as we go on about our day to day lives, I blame her for making me feel like it's my duty to stand up and say something when I see sexism and misogyny, even if it's considered "harmless"....I blame Rose McGowan for making me feel like I really need to use my voice, not just for myself but for everyone that won't speak up for themselves...I blame Rose McGowan for kicking me in the ass and making me want to be a better person...Thank you, Rose McGowan.....

~ Lily White XoXoXo